Umbrella 101 (for Southern Californians)

Seeing as how both my umbrellas are out of commission, on my way out the door to school today I grabbed what I found in the hall closet, which happened to be an unusually large golf umbrella.

I took it, not because I usually take an umbrella, but because it is a pretty long walk from the parking lot to Spanish class, and I wanted to practice my umbrella-carrying skills to decide whether I should take one with me to Europe.

It was definitely a learning experience, if not a wholly dry one. I learned:

1. The umbrella only keeps the water off of you if you (a) open it and (b) hold it up over you. It does nothing for you while you stand outside your car with its twisted-up self, fumbling with those pin-things and trying to figure out how to get it opened
2. A really large umbrella, when wielded unskillfully, has the potential to scratch your car or the car next to you
3. The Mary Poppins "flying umbrella" idea is not pure fantasy. Gusts of winds may cause your umbrella -- especially a very large umbrella -- to aspire to flight. The ill wind that blows from behind one minute may blow from the front the next. In such cases, a dose of Dramamine may be advisable to avoid motion sickness. Also be aware that the travels of your umbrella may interfere with visibility
4. If given the choice between learning how to drive an umbrella or a stick shift, choose the stick shift
5. A very large golf umbrella is significantly wider than I am. Allowances for horizontal clearance (between light posts and hedges, for example) should be adjusted accordingly
6. A typical classroom has limited umbrella parking. Parking your umbrella in the middle of the front of the class room may (a) move your classmates or teacher to ridicule or (b) trip somebody (umbrella owner not excluded)
7. Be aware that an umbrella (especially a very large golf umbrella) may become exceedingly wet during a rain shower and will probably still be wet upon your coming indoors (that includes car doors). Avoid placing a soggy umbrella directly over important documents or expensive textbooks, as some transfer of water is likely
8. On re-entering your car, remember points 1. and 2.

And there 'tis.

It was a good learning experience.

Next time I think I'll use my hood.