being steadfast

Lately I am really interested in the idea of steadfastness -- sticking to something for a really long time, even when you don't see the results or outcome that you want.

(This is frustrating, because the more I think about it the more I want to go to the DGM national conference, but there are at least two really good reasons that I won't be able to . . .)

It seems like for every mountaintop or landmark in life, there are a million billion moments of plodding, of just doing the next thing.

And it seems like most of tough calls aren't big decisions -- like this job? or that job? Or marry this person or that person? Or choose this major or that major? -- but "little" things -- like do I smile or scowl in response to that remark? do I get up early or sleep in again today? do I spend that hour watching TV or reading the Word? do I call the friend I know I need to call or put it off for another day?

I've realized how often I skim over those parts in biographies where the passing of time is noted. My attention focuses on those mountaintops and landmarks, accompanied maybe by a thought like "hey, why don't I see amazing things like this in my life?" while I've in my skimming just jumped over months or years of another person's life where, by most outside measures, nothing exciting really happened.

Reading through Acts in the past few weeks, I was taken off guard by Luke's notations of passing time during Paul's imprisonment and appeal to Caesar.

There are a lot of notes like "the next day," or "when it was day," or "after five days" or "when they had been there many days." But I was surprised that I had previously skipped things like the two years he spent under Felix's watch (two years!!!!), noted in 24:27; the "many days" and "much time . . . spent" during the voyage to Italy (ch. 27); and the two years spent in Rome (28:30-31). I know I had read all that before and understood what it meant, but for some reason the years had never hit me as whole, solid, 365-day years.

That's a lot of time!

That's a lot of mornings issuing invitations to depression heralded with the thought "here I wake up a prisoner -- again." That's a lot of time to put work on hold and make plans for "when I am free and able to resume ministry again." That's a lot of nights to cry yourself to sleep asking why God has forgotten about you.

But that's not how Paul dealt with it. He was steadfast, faithfully preaching the Word to rulers and crowds of friends or enemies. But he was also steadfast day in and day out, when things were monotonous and hard and he didn't know what was going to happen next.

Wow!