Somehow in the last year or so I got myself stuck in a pattern of thinking it was a good Christian thing to do to reflect constantly on what a horrible sinner I am and how many mistakes I make at everything.
And, some of the time, it is.
But the problem with this way of thinking is that it's awfully, horribly, debilitatingly self-centered. Smotheringly introspective. Always apologizing, never changing. In some ways dishonoring to the justifying, sin-obliterating work of Christ.
So, still a lot to learn in this area, but I am grateful to be on the path of learning.
In other news, this semester is certainly the best so far (except maybe for the year in Spanish at GWC; I still miss my professor). It's much more demanding than my two semesters as an HCom major, but that's because I'm actually learning new and useful things. And memorizing a lot. And hardly doing any reading or writing in English. Which is all good.
The only downside is that I think some kind of language regulator in my brain is having spasms. The totally wrong [English] word keeps coming out, mostly where nouns are concerned.
I'm also wishing that I had not wished to have more bizarre dreams. Last night the general theme of the two dreams I had was "blood." A secondary theme would be "and guts." I'm not sure if this should be attributed to watching too much Columbo over Christmas break, or spending a lot of yesterday thinking about violence in the Middle East, explosive devices, amputations, plane crashes, and nuclear missiles. Probably a combination of the two. It was not fun.