Wednesday, August 18, 2010

the same old song

Just found this old post from a few years ago. This'll be life again in a few weeks...
Migration Patterns in Periods of Academic Concentration: An Analysis

Researchers have long noted an acceleration of the Second Law of Thermodynamics directly proportional to the level of concentration allocated by undergraduate, graduate, and post-graduate students toward their studies (Chaos, 427-435). Given the widespread observation of this phenomena, it is surprising that to date detailed attention has not been given to analysis of data related to migration patterns. The aim of this project is to remedy this gap in the corpus of SLT studies. Data were collected for several key populations: laundry, dishes, and edible items not tending toward beneficial nutrition.

Section 1: Impact of SLT on Migration Patterns of Laundry

Data collected for migration patterns of laundry found a direct correlation between SLT and the amount of attention given by a student to his or her studies. Research papers specifically seemed to accelerate the effect of the SLT, resulting in large migration of laundry from closet to student to laundry basket (Table 1.1). Interestingly, researchers found that this acceleration was stunted in some cases due to a phenemenon labeled Wearing the Same Thing for Several Days (WSTSD) (Table 1.2). Instances of WSTSD intensified in cases of research papers above 20 pages in length or which were not concerned with a student's favored area of study. Research from our colleagues in the study of psychology was also consulted, and confirmed that WSTSD seems to feed on itself, as a decrease in a student's interaction with the outside world is both the cause and the effect of prolonged WSTSD (Psycho, 4-6).

Section 2: Impact of SLT on Migration Patterns of Dishes

Interest in this branch of research began when researchers discovered a pattern: cases of research papers seemed to attract a large population of coffee mugs, bowls, forks, and plates (collectively CMBFP) near the site of a student's work (Map 1). Migration patterns were unusual, in that CMBFP typically migrate towards region in the Kitchen or Dining Room (CommonKnowledge, 3). As with the patterns in laundry, however, researchers found that instances of the migration anomaly were directly proportional to the length and subject matter of the proferred research projects (O'Really, 62-79)(Tables 2.1, 2.2, 2.3).

Section 3: Impact of SLT on Migration Patterns of Edible Items Not Tending Toward Beneficial Nutrition (EINTTBN)

Previous research in the field of student life has confirmed a related theory known as "The Freshman 15" (Fatty, 99-106). Our research confirmed that EINTTBN intake increased directly proportionally with the length and subject matter of research projects (Table 3.1), with a remarkable surge in EINTTBN containing large amounts of chocolate (Table 3.2). The surge was most significant in the population of female students (Table 3.3.1) but the trend extended to the male population as well (Table 3.3.2). EINTTBN containing large amounts of caffeine were the most significant population group observed, with migration patterns more than doubling those toward regions of Confirmed Starbucks Addicts (CSA) (Map 2). Even students not located in the classes of CSA attracted largescale migration during the observation period (Table 3.4).


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